Sunday, April 18, 2004
Where once there was much aversion, there is now a rekindled tenderness. Where once there was much love, there is only animosity. Where once there was clamor and tension, there is now an icy silence. Where once I was carefree, I suddenly find myself chained down with the burdens of the world.
Where once I could confide here, I find that I can't any longer.
My world has turned upside down. I need time away to think. I'll be back soon, I hope.
Where once I could confide here, I find that I can't any longer.
My world has turned upside down. I need time away to think. I'll be back soon, I hope.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
It's amazing the amount of tears you can shed over something so silly. I'm not even crying for myself anymore. I think about my sister's problems and weep. I see the pulitzer picture and weep. I see our pictures and weep.
I feel so bloody stupid. Like a Miss World Contestant or something. Any minute now I'll start wishing for world peace.
I feel so bloody stupid. Like a Miss World Contestant or something. Any minute now I'll start wishing for world peace.
Woke up to this morning to a nightmare and I'm still in it.
I shouldn't have allowed happiness to consume me yesterday. I knew happiness so sublime would only have resulted in disappointment. It's happened before and it's happening now.
Nature's little joke I guess: You bring them up so you can push them down.
I'm so bloody disappointed in myself. I hate hurting people I love. For once in my life, I was actually contemplating doing away with myself. It's really silly because the matter was so trivial. But seeing the pain I inflicted on others made me so bloody disgusted with myself, I couldn't stand living. Thank God the phase has passed.
And leave her alone. You can't see how she's suffering because you don't live with her. The Liyana I live with and the Liyana you see in public are 2 different people. She's paid the price. Leave her alone.
And Joline? I miss you.
I shouldn't have allowed happiness to consume me yesterday. I knew happiness so sublime would only have resulted in disappointment. It's happened before and it's happening now.
Nature's little joke I guess: You bring them up so you can push them down.
I'm so bloody disappointed in myself. I hate hurting people I love. For once in my life, I was actually contemplating doing away with myself. It's really silly because the matter was so trivial. But seeing the pain I inflicted on others made me so bloody disgusted with myself, I couldn't stand living. Thank God the phase has passed.
And leave her alone. You can't see how she's suffering because you don't live with her. The Liyana I live with and the Liyana you see in public are 2 different people. She's paid the price. Leave her alone.
And Joline? I miss you.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Having an extremely bad week. And it's only Tuesday.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow anymore.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow anymore.
Monday, April 12, 2004
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad day.
Went to run errands and sat for 2 job interviews with no success. Applied for the positions of Customer Service and Telemarketer at Bugis and Burlington Square respectively.
Both had described their offices as being 'near to Bugis Mrt Station'. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I'm convinced it was a conspiracy. I must have walked about 3 km which is normally nothing to whine about but do you know how effing hot it was out there??
Got to the first job interview and then the first interviewer decided that she wanted someone who could work full-time. She shook my hands, said I would be suitable for Admin Assistant but was quick to remind me that if she didn't contact me by Wednesday; then it would mean that my application wasn't successful.
It was just my luck that I managed to encounter a hostile taxi driver who bore a startling resemblance to Tony Tan. He was so decrepit that he thought I was making a fool of him when I said I wanted to go to Burlington Square. Convinced that youngsters these days had no respect for the elderly, we had a heated debate in the cab about whether such a place existed. He even pulled over and made me call the shopping center to verify its whereabouts. Bah. Go back to your cave, old man.
At Burlington Square, everything seemed to be going smoothly. I was even getting excited at the prospect of working as a telemarketer for Starhub. The boss was a cool Indian guy who wore a football jersey to work. But the minute I sat down, he looked at my application and said "Oh dear, I'm so sorry. We can only hire 18 year olds." So I had to leave.
Shit! Poo-ey! Unbelievably Merde! *throws shit at the world*
But as always, chocolate and retail therapy never fails to right a day gone wrong. Bought some clothes and 2 books! Milan Kundera and some light-girly-fluff book. Gave myself a facial and going off to sleep pretty soon to the sounds of the CD I just burnt. Hurhur.
The day hasn't ended just yet. It might just turn out to be okay after all. =]
Went to run errands and sat for 2 job interviews with no success. Applied for the positions of Customer Service and Telemarketer at Bugis and Burlington Square respectively.
Both had described their offices as being 'near to Bugis Mrt Station'. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I'm convinced it was a conspiracy. I must have walked about 3 km which is normally nothing to whine about but do you know how effing hot it was out there??
Got to the first job interview and then the first interviewer decided that she wanted someone who could work full-time. She shook my hands, said I would be suitable for Admin Assistant but was quick to remind me that if she didn't contact me by Wednesday; then it would mean that my application wasn't successful.
It was just my luck that I managed to encounter a hostile taxi driver who bore a startling resemblance to Tony Tan. He was so decrepit that he thought I was making a fool of him when I said I wanted to go to Burlington Square. Convinced that youngsters these days had no respect for the elderly, we had a heated debate in the cab about whether such a place existed. He even pulled over and made me call the shopping center to verify its whereabouts. Bah. Go back to your cave, old man.
At Burlington Square, everything seemed to be going smoothly. I was even getting excited at the prospect of working as a telemarketer for Starhub. The boss was a cool Indian guy who wore a football jersey to work. But the minute I sat down, he looked at my application and said "Oh dear, I'm so sorry. We can only hire 18 year olds." So I had to leave.
Shit! Poo-ey! Unbelievably Merde! *throws shit at the world*
But as always, chocolate and retail therapy never fails to right a day gone wrong. Bought some clothes and 2 books! Milan Kundera and some light-girly-fluff book. Gave myself a facial and going off to sleep pretty soon to the sounds of the CD I just burnt. Hurhur.
The day hasn't ended just yet. It might just turn out to be okay after all. =]
I know I'm supposed to be patient. I know I'm supposed to give her time. I know I'm supposed to be sympathetic. But try as I might and as much as I want to, I just can't. Yes, Nadiah can become self-centred and attention-seeking too.
And right now, all I feel like doing is screaming at the top of my lungs, "WHAT ABOUT ME, DAMNIT?!?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!?"
And right now, all I feel like doing is screaming at the top of my lungs, "WHAT ABOUT ME, DAMNIT?!?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!?"
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Battle Of The Blogs [Yet Again]
I am pissed off at so many people that I've surprised even myself with the vehemence of my anger.
What gives you the bloody right, praytell, to demean us with your deragatory comments? Neither of you are in any position to make assumptions about us. Whatever happens is strictly between me and her and if you're wise, you'll butt out.
And mister, I hate you with such a vengeance. Ah, perhaps your comment was made in good fun but I, for one, did not find it in the least amusing. Kindly refrain from making comments about my flaws when you know next to nothing about me.
I am pissed off at so many people that I've surprised even myself with the vehemence of my anger.
What gives you the bloody right, praytell, to demean us with your deragatory comments? Neither of you are in any position to make assumptions about us. Whatever happens is strictly between me and her and if you're wise, you'll butt out.
And mister, I hate you with such a vengeance. Ah, perhaps your comment was made in good fun but I, for one, did not find it in the least amusing. Kindly refrain from making comments about my flaws when you know next to nothing about me.
Deleted the previous entry because it isn't worth fighting over. And with things bad enough between the both of us I think it'd be wise if we just pretended nothing happened. :)
I've made up my mind. There's nothing any of you can do to change it now. And please, lay off the criticisms.
I've made up my mind. There's nothing any of you can do to change it now. And please, lay off the criticisms.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
This is what happens when a girl has too much time on her hands.
She spends the entire day watching downloaded videos on Windows Media Player.
You can't blame me though. D12's My band video is hilarious. Watch it here Eminem not only looks good in a chest-baring-ah-beng-style-shirt-complete-with-bling-bling, he's pretty hot dressed up in drag as well. Funny how the more he criticises the attention he gets from girls, the more we want to give it to him.
Yet another funny video caught my attention today. Visited Fury's Blog and came across
this. Enjoy.
She spends the entire day watching downloaded videos on Windows Media Player.
You can't blame me though. D12's My band video is hilarious. Watch it here Eminem not only looks good in a chest-baring-ah-beng-style-shirt-complete-with-bling-bling, he's pretty hot dressed up in drag as well. Funny how the more he criticises the attention he gets from girls, the more we want to give it to him.
Yet another funny video caught my attention today. Visited Fury's Blog and came across
this. Enjoy.
Enough of the guilt trip.
I used the old template again. Why? Because throughout the 2 and a half years I've been blogging, this was the only template which I could tolerate.
Watched D12's My band music video on TRL just now. Hilarious. Downloaded it and it's on repeat mode right now.
Got pissed off when he started dropping hints about how I could "get him" once I played my cards right. The stupid prick thinks I'll fall for him once he starts being sentimental and goes through the whole reformed-badboy-who-just-wants-to-find-true-love procedure. Hah! Never, you buaya you! Just because I'm 16 doesn't mean I'm still a naive schoolgirl. Fucking twat.
Joline and Denise, I demand a testimonial. Yes, I'm a testimonial whore but if I had the time to write you guys one you guys should reciprocate it with another. Hmph. It's simply manners.
I used the old template again. Why? Because throughout the 2 and a half years I've been blogging, this was the only template which I could tolerate.
Watched D12's My band music video on TRL just now. Hilarious. Downloaded it and it's on repeat mode right now.
Got pissed off when he started dropping hints about how I could "get him" once I played my cards right. The stupid prick thinks I'll fall for him once he starts being sentimental and goes through the whole reformed-badboy-who-just-wants-to-find-true-love procedure. Hah! Never, you buaya you! Just because I'm 16 doesn't mean I'm still a naive schoolgirl. Fucking twat.
Joline and Denise, I demand a testimonial. Yes, I'm a testimonial whore but if I had the time to write you guys one you guys should reciprocate it with another. Hmph. It's simply manners.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Food for Thought
Received this in my email this morning:
"This photo (above), taken by Kevin Carter won a Pulitzer in 1994 during the Sudan famine.
The famine-stricken child in the picture is crawling towards a United Nations Food Camp, located about a kilometer away. The vulture in the foreground is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat him.
No one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken.
Three months later, Kevin Carter committed suicide due to depression."
Received this in my email this morning:
"This photo (above), taken by Kevin Carter won a Pulitzer in 1994 during the Sudan famine.
The famine-stricken child in the picture is crawling towards a United Nations Food Camp, located about a kilometer away. The vulture in the foreground is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat him.
No one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken.
Three months later, Kevin Carter committed suicide due to depression."
Monday, April 05, 2004
Having a squabble with the brother right now.
Despite feeling (and looking) like shit, I dragged myself to Bedok Interchange to buy him some food because I wasn't in the mood to cook something. I queued up for a little over an hour for our food and then had to brave another queue to line up for the bus. "The brat had better appreciate this," I thought fiercely.
But nooo, when I got home, the brother did a double take and refused to eat the food because he thinks that mee pok contains pork. He thought that just because "pok" sounded alot like "pork", it's bound to contain pork in it otherwise they wouldn't call it mee pok, right? What kind of reasoning is that?? I'm almost in tears now because the fool refuses to eat it despite my assurances that they had a halal certificate and my threats to eat the whole damned thing myself.
Looks like I'll have to make good on my threat then. Mee pok, anyone?
Despite feeling (and looking) like shit, I dragged myself to Bedok Interchange to buy him some food because I wasn't in the mood to cook something. I queued up for a little over an hour for our food and then had to brave another queue to line up for the bus. "The brat had better appreciate this," I thought fiercely.
But nooo, when I got home, the brother did a double take and refused to eat the food because he thinks that mee pok contains pork. He thought that just because "pok" sounded alot like "pork", it's bound to contain pork in it otherwise they wouldn't call it mee pok, right? What kind of reasoning is that?? I'm almost in tears now because the fool refuses to eat it despite my assurances that they had a halal certificate and my threats to eat the whole damned thing myself.
Looks like I'll have to make good on my threat then. Mee pok, anyone?
Sunday, April 04, 2004
I'm feeling a little under the weather so I'll make this a short entry.
Watching Miss Congeniality brings back too many bad memories. That was the movie where I discovered Bosson's 'One in a million' and fell madly in love with it. I drove my family members mad when I moped around the house, incessantly playing that song on the computer for 8 months. Then Bosson decided to come down to Singapore and I made a fool of myself on national television [don't ask]. Gone are my celebrity-chasing days but the memory of being made the laughingstock of my school will forever remain. Bah, I don't want to talk about it. And Joline, if you dare bring it up, I shall strangle you with my mouse wire.
Thank you sheesha, for giving me your blessings to join Mass Comm. I can't imagine it's easy for you to have another family member in the same course and school as you're in so I really appreciate the gesture. I'll wash your panties more often now, I promise. And I do wuv yew, I weally, weally do.
I'm feeling too blah to continue. Will grab some rest.
Watching Miss Congeniality brings back too many bad memories. That was the movie where I discovered Bosson's 'One in a million' and fell madly in love with it. I drove my family members mad when I moped around the house, incessantly playing that song on the computer for 8 months. Then Bosson decided to come down to Singapore and I made a fool of myself on national television [don't ask]. Gone are my celebrity-chasing days but the memory of being made the laughingstock of my school will forever remain. Bah, I don't want to talk about it. And Joline, if you dare bring it up, I shall strangle you with my mouse wire.
Thank you sheesha, for giving me your blessings to join Mass Comm. I can't imagine it's easy for you to have another family member in the same course and school as you're in so I really appreciate the gesture. I'll wash your panties more often now, I promise. And I do wuv yew, I weally, weally do.
I'm feeling too blah to continue. Will grab some rest.
Friday, April 02, 2004
To the brown-eyed-boy who was once and still is very dear to me, I'm sorry about your loss. I can't say that I understand what you're going through but I imagine the pain of losing your dad at the age of 16 must be tremendous. I know that now the burden of supporting a family of 9 has been lifted from his shoulders and onto yours. But I know that you're one of the few people who will manage to do it. I will try my best to help you through this difficult phase if you'll let me. Just remember that God never gives you more than you can handle okay? :)
How fragile life is, and how easily we take it forgranted.
How fragile life is, and how easily we take it forgranted.
I want a man.
Listening to the songs of the Dirty Dancing 2 Soundtrack makes me want to find a man whom I can get jiggy with (a la Javier Suarez) and a man who'll cry if I'm taken away from his tribe and try to blackmail his way into ensuring I stay in Survivor (a la Boston Rob). O desespoir, I forgot how lonely being single can get.
I got into Ngee Ann's Mass Comm but haven't accepted it just yet. I'm unsure of which to accept. I think Mass Comm is more up my alley. Temasek Poly's Visual Comm is much, much more exclusive - allowing only an intake of 75 students - but I'm pretty intimidated by the standards that they have. The bright side is that TP guys are much, much more good-looking than the ones from other polytechnics (yumyumyum). On the other hand, if (and this, I emphasize heavily on) I do well in TP, I'd be proving alot to myself - particularly the fact that I excelled in something I never would have thought I could have excelled in.
How now, brown cow?
Listening to the songs of the Dirty Dancing 2 Soundtrack makes me want to find a man whom I can get jiggy with (a la Javier Suarez) and a man who'll cry if I'm taken away from his tribe and try to blackmail his way into ensuring I stay in Survivor (a la Boston Rob). O desespoir, I forgot how lonely being single can get.
I got into Ngee Ann's Mass Comm but haven't accepted it just yet. I'm unsure of which to accept. I think Mass Comm is more up my alley. Temasek Poly's Visual Comm is much, much more exclusive - allowing only an intake of 75 students - but I'm pretty intimidated by the standards that they have. The bright side is that TP guys are much, much more good-looking than the ones from other polytechnics (yumyumyum). On the other hand, if (and this, I emphasize heavily on) I do well in TP, I'd be proving alot to myself - particularly the fact that I excelled in something I never would have thought I could have excelled in.
How now, brown cow?
Thursday, April 01, 2004
It's really, really early in the morning and I've spent almost 3 hours on this damned template. It better be worth it. *yawns*
Good news! Grandpa has been taken off the machine and is conscious. He can't remember anything about his recent ordeal though. Perhaps it's for the better.
Deleted some previously linked bloggers for 2 reasons. 1: their blogs were no longer functioning or 2: they didn't update my link. Hurhur. Watch as Nadiah gets mean.
And I have to wish a certain hairband-wearing-hairy-legged-hero of mine a happy 21st birthday. Syahrul, sorry about correcting your french just now. I realise I was quite the bitch. But thank you for just listening to me anyways. :D p.s. i'll give you a nice new hairband for a prezzie aight? ;p
Just watched My Best Friend's Wedding and I'm in such an emotional (read: desperate) mood, I could vomit. So before I start scaring off potential suitors (hoho, look who's all perasaan now), I shall stop.
Oh, before I forget. Yes, bitch, technically, we might no longer be together but he's still mine. So get your grubby paws off him. *growls*
*crawls off to bed* Goodnight everybody.
Good news! Grandpa has been taken off the machine and is conscious. He can't remember anything about his recent ordeal though. Perhaps it's for the better.
Deleted some previously linked bloggers for 2 reasons. 1: their blogs were no longer functioning or 2: they didn't update my link. Hurhur. Watch as Nadiah gets mean.
And I have to wish a certain hairband-wearing-hairy-legged-hero of mine a happy 21st birthday. Syahrul, sorry about correcting your french just now. I realise I was quite the bitch. But thank you for just listening to me anyways. :D p.s. i'll give you a nice new hairband for a prezzie aight? ;p
Just watched My Best Friend's Wedding and I'm in such an emotional (read: desperate) mood, I could vomit. So before I start scaring off potential suitors (hoho, look who's all perasaan now), I shall stop.
Oh, before I forget. Yes, bitch, technically, we might no longer be together but he's still mine. So get your grubby paws off him. *growls*
*crawls off to bed* Goodnight everybody.