Saturday, January 31, 2004
Hopelessly Devoted To You
I'm hooked to Cutting Crew's I died in your arms tonight which btw, is not only an emo song, but an orbit one as well.
Yargh. I'm turning soft again. Thank you so much Joline for making me listen to songs from the 80's.
Oh yes, came across this from the internet.
"Why don't witches wear panties?"
"Better grip on the broom."
I'm hooked to Cutting Crew's I died in your arms tonight which btw, is not only an emo song, but an orbit one as well.
Yargh. I'm turning soft again. Thank you so much Joline for making me listen to songs from the 80's.
Oh yes, came across this from the internet.
"Why don't witches wear panties?"
"Better grip on the broom."
I got love songs in my head, killing us away
Today is a very special day. Other than the fact that it's the eve of Hari Raya Haji, it's also my Grandfather's birthday. He's in hospital right now recovering from a minor stroke but when I went to see him just now he was so jovial. I love him, I really do. Hope nothing bad happens to him. Love you tuk.
Oh yes. One year ago to this very date, I also managed to have my first boyfriend. Yeah, I'm a late bloomer. What the hell am I talking about? I never bloomed! *grumbles* See Iskandar, I do think of you. :D
Just got back from Dee's partay! Sorry Dee for not mingling around and only keeping to myself and Joline. We were shy lah. #^_^# <---See, like this.
Will post pictures as soon as Dee loads 'em. *nudges Dee*
Oh yes, Selamat Hari Raya Haji everybody!~
Today is a very special day. Other than the fact that it's the eve of Hari Raya Haji, it's also my Grandfather's birthday. He's in hospital right now recovering from a minor stroke but when I went to see him just now he was so jovial. I love him, I really do. Hope nothing bad happens to him. Love you tuk.
Oh yes. One year ago to this very date, I also managed to have my first boyfriend. Yeah, I'm a late bloomer. What the hell am I talking about? I never bloomed! *grumbles* See Iskandar, I do think of you. :D
Just got back from Dee's partay! Sorry Dee for not mingling around and only keeping to myself and Joline. We were shy lah. #^_^# <---See, like this.
Will post pictures as soon as Dee loads 'em. *nudges Dee*
Oh yes, Selamat Hari Raya Haji everybody!~
Friday, January 30, 2004
This love has taken its toll on me
Got Maroon 5's This Love on repeat.
Much thanks to Syahrul for sending it to me.
Extremely hurt and disappointed. But as much as I'm angry at you right now, I won't discuss it because I still love you very much.
I hope you get your just dessert.
Got Maroon 5's This Love on repeat.
Much thanks to Syahrul for sending it to me.
Extremely hurt and disappointed. But as much as I'm angry at you right now, I won't discuss it because I still love you very much.
I hope you get your just dessert.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Wow. Three posts in one day. Congratulations to me. Not that it's of any use. They're all full of anger anyway.
To you, you know who you are.
Don't talk to me about love when you haven't the slightest notion what it means. Don't talk to me about trust when I've given you that before. It's your effing fault you took it for granted. So why issue me an ultimatum when it'll only further the rift between us?
Check out my long list of moody songs. No doubt they're influencing my mood but who cares? Happiness is too dangerous an emotion.
I don't think the judges were being fair at AMI. If the dude is good just let him in. Who cares if they'd do better in cabaret or broadway. They can SING which is more than I can say for the other clowns who auditioned and it is a SINGING competition after all. My fave is William Hung. Loved his jerky butt gyrations and flailing arm movements. Oh the hong kee accent was good too. I have haid niu perfesshenel ashperienshe.
Too tired to continue. I spent almost the entire day trying to figure out how to make the blog body until I received my epiphany a few hours ago. Epiphany - what a word. Sounds like elephants, pipes, accordions and men in balloon pants squatting up and down.
To you, you know who you are.
Don't talk to me about love when you haven't the slightest notion what it means. Don't talk to me about trust when I've given you that before. It's your effing fault you took it for granted. So why issue me an ultimatum when it'll only further the rift between us?
Check out my long list of moody songs. No doubt they're influencing my mood but who cares? Happiness is too dangerous an emotion.
I don't think the judges were being fair at AMI. If the dude is good just let him in. Who cares if they'd do better in cabaret or broadway. They can SING which is more than I can say for the other clowns who auditioned and it is a SINGING competition after all. My fave is William Hung. Loved his jerky butt gyrations and flailing arm movements. Oh the hong kee accent was good too. I have haid niu perfesshenel ashperienshe.
Too tired to continue. I spent almost the entire day trying to figure out how to make the blog body until I received my epiphany a few hours ago. Epiphany - what a word. Sounds like elephants, pipes, accordions and men in balloon pants squatting up and down.
Has anybody noticed how my picture on the right looks like an obituary? And how the gnawed edges of my template resemble the gnawed edges of my heart? I'll fix the template soon but I like it the way it is right now 'cos it reminds me of me. Flawed.
I hate you and you and you and you.
But I hate myself even more.
But I hate myself even more.
Monday, January 26, 2004
I need to be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how
Okay, I'm going to get really girly and gushy now...
I just watched Gone with the Wind. I fell in love with the book 2 years ago and I've fallen in love with the movie 2 years later. Go watch it.
And yes, I am madly, madly in love with Clark Gable. I practically swooned when he got down on his knees and proposed to Scarlett.
"Forgive me for startling you with the impetuosity of my sentiments, my dear Scarlett - I mean, my dear Mrs. Kennedy. But it cannot have escaped your notice that for some time past, the friendship I have felt for you has ripened into a deeper feeling. A feeling more beautiful, more pure, more sacred - Dare I name it? Can it be - love?... This is an honorable proposal of marriage, made at what I consider a most opportune moment. I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands"
I especially love the way he establishes his role as a man. He spoils Scarlett, takes decisions away from her, and is amused by her selfish antics. Yes, I know. There is such a thing as women's right nowadays but I am and have always been a traditional girl. I shamefacedly have to admit that I think that a women's role is in the kitchen. Feminists, please don't attack me after this.
Just look at that. His mocking gaze, his self-assuredness, his hot, hot chest. And what woman doesn't dream of being held like that? *swoon*
Anyway, I'm sure you'll love the movie like I did. I'm very convinced that Clark Gable's a Scorpio what with him having that intense stare and so full of all that sensuality. He's intensified the liking I have for men of that sign. In fact, I'm surer than ever that I want to marry a Scorpio Man.
If there does happen to be any scorpion men reading this, you know what to do.*ahem ahem* ;)
God, I'm obsessed. Oh yes, I've finished Joline's Linkin Park template. Go see it here
Okay, I'm going to get really girly and gushy now...
I just watched Gone with the Wind. I fell in love with the book 2 years ago and I've fallen in love with the movie 2 years later. Go watch it.
And yes, I am madly, madly in love with Clark Gable. I practically swooned when he got down on his knees and proposed to Scarlett.
"Forgive me for startling you with the impetuosity of my sentiments, my dear Scarlett - I mean, my dear Mrs. Kennedy. But it cannot have escaped your notice that for some time past, the friendship I have felt for you has ripened into a deeper feeling. A feeling more beautiful, more pure, more sacred - Dare I name it? Can it be - love?... This is an honorable proposal of marriage, made at what I consider a most opportune moment. I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands"
I especially love the way he establishes his role as a man. He spoils Scarlett, takes decisions away from her, and is amused by her selfish antics. Yes, I know. There is such a thing as women's right nowadays but I am and have always been a traditional girl. I shamefacedly have to admit that I think that a women's role is in the kitchen. Feminists, please don't attack me after this.
Just look at that. His mocking gaze, his self-assuredness, his hot, hot chest. And what woman doesn't dream of being held like that? *swoon*
Anyway, I'm sure you'll love the movie like I did. I'm very convinced that Clark Gable's a Scorpio what with him having that intense stare and so full of all that sensuality. He's intensified the liking I have for men of that sign. In fact, I'm surer than ever that I want to marry a Scorpio Man.
If there does happen to be any scorpion men reading this, you know what to do.*ahem ahem* ;)
God, I'm obsessed. Oh yes, I've finished Joline's Linkin Park template. Go see it here
Saturday, January 24, 2004
I just came back from the MTV Asia Awards Roadshow. Ding dong dang it, I should've opted to go tomorrow. Utt and Jean Danker will be coming down to PS. I've had the wildest crush on Utt ever since he started appearing in Giordano ads. I'd literally stop in my tracks, gape like a fool and go "du-uh". He is such a perfect specimen of a man.
Oh, I did see MTV VJ Denise Keller and Daniel Ong though. Denise is really, really slim. Her waist must be the size of what - one of my thighs? And her thighs - have you seen her thighs? They're so freaking skinny! I last had thighs like that when I was nine for heaven's sakes!
My sister came home just now and told me that my template looked alot like one of her friends's former ones. And yes, I do realise I'll have to take it off because I don't want anyone to go accuse me of ripping off their designs on my tagboard. As imperfect as my template is [I'm still not satisfied with it], I have grown rather attached to it because its one of the first I've made. But yeah, I do understand journalists and their obsession with plagiarism. So yeah, this template will be gone pretty soon. Once I'm done with a new template. Oh, I'm learning Adobe ImageReady. It's very confusing though. But I think I've got the gist of it.
I promised Jol that I'd make a Linkin Park template for her. Don't know how it's going to turn out lah but fingers crossed it'll turn out nice. Should get moving. I have alot of work to do.
Oh, I did see MTV VJ Denise Keller and Daniel Ong though. Denise is really, really slim. Her waist must be the size of what - one of my thighs? And her thighs - have you seen her thighs? They're so freaking skinny! I last had thighs like that when I was nine for heaven's sakes!
My sister came home just now and told me that my template looked alot like one of her friends's former ones. And yes, I do realise I'll have to take it off because I don't want anyone to go accuse me of ripping off their designs on my tagboard. As imperfect as my template is [I'm still not satisfied with it], I have grown rather attached to it because its one of the first I've made. But yeah, I do understand journalists and their obsession with plagiarism. So yeah, this template will be gone pretty soon. Once I'm done with a new template. Oh, I'm learning Adobe ImageReady. It's very confusing though. But I think I've got the gist of it.
I promised Jol that I'd make a Linkin Park template for her. Don't know how it's going to turn out lah but fingers crossed it'll turn out nice. Should get moving. I have alot of work to do.
I'm not pissed anymore although I am grumpy. My dad tried waking me up this morning by vigorously shaking the bed I was sleeping on. When that didn't work, he took my pillow away and switched off the air-conditioner. Yaaargh! Hell hath no fury like a sleeping girl roused from sleep! I swear I'm going to hide all his cigarettes when he comes home.
I had a family bbq yesterday. Managed to catch up with all my aunties and relatives. My favourite aunty was ecstatic when she heard I wanted to become a teacher. She wants me to go to JC and take my "A" levels. Hah. Much hopes of that. I'm sure most of you are already aware of this but I don't have much confidence for my "O" level results. Sigh.
Anyways, I managed to trap one of my cousins long enough to take a pic with me.
Yes, I know. He looks petrified but this was one of the better pics believe you me. Oh, the second one shows him running away after I took the first pic. You can see how cute he is though in the third pic.
I had a family bbq yesterday. Managed to catch up with all my aunties and relatives. My favourite aunty was ecstatic when she heard I wanted to become a teacher. She wants me to go to JC and take my "A" levels. Hah. Much hopes of that. I'm sure most of you are already aware of this but I don't have much confidence for my "O" level results. Sigh.
Anyways, I managed to trap one of my cousins long enough to take a pic with me.
Yes, I know. He looks petrified but this was one of the better pics believe you me. Oh, the second one shows him running away after I took the first pic. You can see how cute he is though in the third pic.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Pissed. The computer glitch which prevented me from seeing tagboards has been fixed.
But, that's not the end of my woes. Oh no, a new glitch has come.
I can't see myshoutbox's boards. And guess who uses myshoutbox? Yes. Me.
Will update again once the urge to smash my computer into oblivion has been stifled.
But, that's not the end of my woes. Oh no, a new glitch has come.
I can't see myshoutbox's boards. And guess who uses myshoutbox? Yes. Me.
Will update again once the urge to smash my computer into oblivion has been stifled.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
I'm in a rather sombre mood (so what else is new?) but this time I know why. I don't have to rack my brains trying to find an answer. I can just point a finger at Shazila and blame her. See lah, go put a depressing, emo, malay song on your blog some more lah. I keep singing along to it but since my Malay is so atrocious I only know 2 lines. I think it goes like "Jangan pisahkan, aku dan dia, Tuhan tolonglah, lalalala...Biarkan kami, lalalalala...Di dalam...lalalala". Oh wait... that's almost 4 lines. *shrugs* My maths was horrible too.
Why is it that almost everyone my age seems to be attached? Shazila is attached, Nurul is attached. Why? I balk whenever I see commitment coming. Pretty out of character especially for a Cancerian but I guess my faith in love was destroyed after my parent's divorce a few years back.
I watched a documentary on the National Geographic Channel earlier about Muslims performing the Haj. It really was breathtaking to see the sheer amount of believers who came together to do their pilgrimage. Watching them pray together, their mouths moving in unison, their movements seemingly choreographed. And oh yes, Mecca captured me under its irrevocable lure. I'm more determined than ever to go. When the time is right. And that time has not arrived. Not yet anyway.
I've noticed that I seem to be getting more and more self-righteous these days. My apologies.
Oh, go take this test and let me know what you people got.
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh yes, Happy Chinese New Year to all Chinese people who just happen to read this. Joline and Leslie, don't think I forgot hor. I'm still expecting red packets from you guys this year. :p
Why is it that almost everyone my age seems to be attached? Shazila is attached, Nurul is attached. Why? I balk whenever I see commitment coming. Pretty out of character especially for a Cancerian but I guess my faith in love was destroyed after my parent's divorce a few years back.
I watched a documentary on the National Geographic Channel earlier about Muslims performing the Haj. It really was breathtaking to see the sheer amount of believers who came together to do their pilgrimage. Watching them pray together, their mouths moving in unison, their movements seemingly choreographed. And oh yes, Mecca captured me under its irrevocable lure. I'm more determined than ever to go. When the time is right. And that time has not arrived. Not yet anyway.
I've noticed that I seem to be getting more and more self-righteous these days. My apologies.
Oh, go take this test and let me know what you people got.
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh yes, Happy Chinese New Year to all Chinese people who just happen to read this. Joline and Leslie, don't think I forgot hor. I'm still expecting red packets from you guys this year. :p
Monday, January 19, 2004
How effing superficial
I hate it when you come across people on the internet who suddenly go all silent especially after they've seen your picture. Since when was it a requirement to have good looks just so you can have a nice chat? I mean, you're not going to marry them. And who're they trying to kid? They're no Mister Manhunts themselves. Otherwise, they wouldn't be resorting to the internet to look for chicks to hook up with would they?
It's even worse when you encounter people who ask "So, what's your bra size?" or "How far have you gone with a man?". Like I would share personal details of my life over the internet to some stranger. How stupid.
And yes, you've probably seen through my cover. I am no Miss Photogenic.
I think I'll go to my room and cry now.
I hate it when you come across people on the internet who suddenly go all silent especially after they've seen your picture. Since when was it a requirement to have good looks just so you can have a nice chat? I mean, you're not going to marry them. And who're they trying to kid? They're no Mister Manhunts themselves. Otherwise, they wouldn't be resorting to the internet to look for chicks to hook up with would they?
It's even worse when you encounter people who ask "So, what's your bra size?" or "How far have you gone with a man?". Like I would share personal details of my life over the internet to some stranger. How stupid.
And yes, you've probably seen through my cover. I am no Miss Photogenic.
I think I'll go to my room and cry now.
Why does Nadiah feel so sad?
I don't know why I feel sad. Its not even sadness really, it's more of an emptiness. An ache within. Problem is, I don't even know what I'm missing.
It must be that sense of feeling lost. With nothing to do nowadays, I just feel like I'm wasting away. Until all that's left of me is a dull, faded memory.
The sweltering heat has lifted and the heavens are crying. I feel like crying along with them.
I should stop listening to sad songs. Rain + sad songs = very depressed Nadiah.
Sometimes you just wonder why you were put on this earth. Ever watched Simon Birch? It was inspired by John Irving's novel "A prayer for Owen Meany" about a very small, sickly boy who believes that he will live until he has completed his purpose in life - which is to unite his best friend and his long-lost father. He dies shortly afterwards.
Makes you wonder what your role in life is supposed to be.
I don't know why I feel sad. Its not even sadness really, it's more of an emptiness. An ache within. Problem is, I don't even know what I'm missing.
It must be that sense of feeling lost. With nothing to do nowadays, I just feel like I'm wasting away. Until all that's left of me is a dull, faded memory.
The sweltering heat has lifted and the heavens are crying. I feel like crying along with them.
I should stop listening to sad songs. Rain + sad songs = very depressed Nadiah.
Sometimes you just wonder why you were put on this earth. Ever watched Simon Birch? It was inspired by John Irving's novel "A prayer for Owen Meany" about a very small, sickly boy who believes that he will live until he has completed his purpose in life - which is to unite his best friend and his long-lost father. He dies shortly afterwards.
Makes you wonder what your role in life is supposed to be.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Justin Timberlake is a Sex God.
No, the title doesn't have anything to do with today's entry. His "Cry me a river" video is playing as I type and he really is bloody hot. I wish he and Britney didn't break up. I like couples who look good together. Superficial, I know but somehow I've always subconsciously thought that couples who look good together have longer relationships and better looking kids.
Sometimes I thank God for my looks. Er, actually, the lack thereof. Ever notice how the pretty girls always get attacked by tagboard terrorists? I hope they don't come here after this. Nah, they won't. I'm not pretty enough. Anyway, I don't know whether these claims are true but I do know that unfounded rumours can hurt pretty bad. And tarnish your reputation. I guess you either have to rise above their level or take out your tagboard. Tiresome, but what else can you do?
Oh yes, speaking of which, I cannot view websites which have tagboard in them. I guess its a computer glitch and I can't download the new version of Internet Explorer so please don't think I don't visit your websites. I do, it's just that I can't comment. Oh, I can't view some websites at all though. These sites belong to Maya, Danielle, Iszzie and Sop. Sorry, I'll tag you guys as soon as I can though. :D
Went out with the mother to Tampines Mall. They've got some new year goodies and today was the last day so got some sequinned shoes for $20. I love them! And of course, I had to visit 77th street. I saw punky man there and he cut off his blonde thing at the back. He did look much much cuter but I also found out that I don't have a crush on him anymore. Yay!
Or maybe it's because I'm too malas to have crushes. Haha.
And Joline? You are a very special person. Both inside and out. And you are one of the few people in this world that I wake up every morning for. So cheer up okay? If anything's wrong, lemme know. I might not give good advice but I promise I'll be there to listen.
After the whole punky abang abang man episode, I recently found out that I have a penchant for men with piercings. Is that weird or what? I'm a cancerian for god's sakes and a muslim one at that. I especially like men who have eyebrow piercings. I don't want you people to think I'm some havoc minah who wants dangerous men. I don't. It's just that men with piercings seem so... attractive. Yeah. Go figure.
Boring night tonight. And a hot one at that. Thank God I'm going to get my own room soon. I'll decorate it with lots of girly colours and all my cat statues. I already picked my room colour - a kind of orangey pink called sunset. And it's going to be a cozy cozy room. Boys won't like it because it'll be a girly room but who cares? And I want to make it so that all my friends who come in will feel at home so I'll add lots of pillows and cushions on the floor where we can hang out and lie on as we watch VCDs. *sighs dreamily*
No, the title doesn't have anything to do with today's entry. His "Cry me a river" video is playing as I type and he really is bloody hot. I wish he and Britney didn't break up. I like couples who look good together. Superficial, I know but somehow I've always subconsciously thought that couples who look good together have longer relationships and better looking kids.
Sometimes I thank God for my looks. Er, actually, the lack thereof. Ever notice how the pretty girls always get attacked by tagboard terrorists? I hope they don't come here after this. Nah, they won't. I'm not pretty enough. Anyway, I don't know whether these claims are true but I do know that unfounded rumours can hurt pretty bad. And tarnish your reputation. I guess you either have to rise above their level or take out your tagboard. Tiresome, but what else can you do?
Oh yes, speaking of which, I cannot view websites which have tagboard in them. I guess its a computer glitch and I can't download the new version of Internet Explorer so please don't think I don't visit your websites. I do, it's just that I can't comment. Oh, I can't view some websites at all though. These sites belong to Maya, Danielle, Iszzie and Sop. Sorry, I'll tag you guys as soon as I can though. :D
Went out with the mother to Tampines Mall. They've got some new year goodies and today was the last day so got some sequinned shoes for $20. I love them! And of course, I had to visit 77th street. I saw punky man there and he cut off his blonde thing at the back. He did look much much cuter but I also found out that I don't have a crush on him anymore. Yay!
Or maybe it's because I'm too malas to have crushes. Haha.
And Joline? You are a very special person. Both inside and out. And you are one of the few people in this world that I wake up every morning for. So cheer up okay? If anything's wrong, lemme know. I might not give good advice but I promise I'll be there to listen.
After the whole punky abang abang man episode, I recently found out that I have a penchant for men with piercings. Is that weird or what? I'm a cancerian for god's sakes and a muslim one at that. I especially like men who have eyebrow piercings. I don't want you people to think I'm some havoc minah who wants dangerous men. I don't. It's just that men with piercings seem so... attractive. Yeah. Go figure.
Boring night tonight. And a hot one at that. Thank God I'm going to get my own room soon. I'll decorate it with lots of girly colours and all my cat statues. I already picked my room colour - a kind of orangey pink called sunset. And it's going to be a cozy cozy room. Boys won't like it because it'll be a girly room but who cares? And I want to make it so that all my friends who come in will feel at home so I'll add lots of pillows and cushions on the floor where we can hang out and lie on as we watch VCDs. *sighs dreamily*
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Oh Happy Day
Yes, that is the face of a very happy girl. Not a very pretty girl, but a happy one nonetheless.
And why am I so happy, you ask? Firstly, I got to meet all my ex-classmates whom I just realised I miss like hell.
Secondly, my favouritest teacher [see above] in the whole wide world asked me to join the school alumni and help her out with training the students in this journalism and radio broadcasting thing she was about to organise. I really am honoured. The reason why I want to be an English teacher is mostly because of her.
Thirdly, Leslie treated us to lunch at Fish n Co and fourthly [I don't care if the word doesn't exist], I finally finished my template!
I did everything in here by myself and because I haven't downloaded Frontpage, it was trial and error so go easy on the criticisms people. I also don't learn freaking web design so please, remember, I have a fragile ego. Oh, and for those of you who haven't figured it out, the picture above is supposed to be of fairies. I guess being your average girly girl, I've always had fantasies revolving in my head about mythical beings - mermaids, goddesses, fairies and the like.
What is up with this heat? I was out almost the whole day and took only 10 pictures with the digicam because I was either too busy wiping my face with a tissue or too oily to take a picture. Blah. I must have used almost four packets of tissue in the process. Thank God for people like Joline who understood that I was melting under the make-up.
I met Nurul at Bedok Interchange. Was pleasantly surprised when she called my name and asked me if I was err... me. Haha. Very sweet girl. Talked for a few minutes before she had to go off for work. Hopefully we'll bump into each other in the near future. ;)
Lemme know what you think of the template I'm not totally satisfied with it either. Pictures from yesterday here
Yes, that is the face of a very happy girl. Not a very pretty girl, but a happy one nonetheless.
And why am I so happy, you ask? Firstly, I got to meet all my ex-classmates whom I just realised I miss like hell.
Secondly, my favouritest teacher [see above] in the whole wide world asked me to join the school alumni and help her out with training the students in this journalism and radio broadcasting thing she was about to organise. I really am honoured. The reason why I want to be an English teacher is mostly because of her.
Thirdly, Leslie treated us to lunch at Fish n Co and fourthly [I don't care if the word doesn't exist], I finally finished my template!
I did everything in here by myself and because I haven't downloaded Frontpage, it was trial and error so go easy on the criticisms people. I also don't learn freaking web design so please, remember, I have a fragile ego. Oh, and for those of you who haven't figured it out, the picture above is supposed to be of fairies. I guess being your average girly girl, I've always had fantasies revolving in my head about mythical beings - mermaids, goddesses, fairies and the like.
What is up with this heat? I was out almost the whole day and took only 10 pictures with the digicam because I was either too busy wiping my face with a tissue or too oily to take a picture. Blah. I must have used almost four packets of tissue in the process. Thank God for people like Joline who understood that I was melting under the make-up.
I met Nurul at Bedok Interchange. Was pleasantly surprised when she called my name and asked me if I was err... me. Haha. Very sweet girl. Talked for a few minutes before she had to go off for work. Hopefully we'll bump into each other in the near future. ;)
Lemme know what you think of the template I'm not totally satisfied with it either. Pictures from yesterday here
Friday, January 16, 2004
Sorry I haven't updated for so long. No, it isn't because I was so depressed that I decided to take a break from the blogging business. Rather, I'm familiarising myself with Photoshop because its so annoying seeing people who have better blogs than mine. Drew Barrymore just won't do anymore.
Just watched MTV Bash where they totally humiliated Carson Daly. Hilarious although I really felt sorry for him. He seemed to take it pretty well though. Was horrified to see Mya give him a lapdance though. That image will probably haunt me for the rest of the night.
I don't know when I'll update next. Probably when I finish with the new template. HTML is bloody confusing shit.
Oh yes, be on the lookout for pics of tomorrow. I'm heading back to the old school to see Jo lee neh san and Sister Mary Leslie perform for the secondary one CCA orientation. Till then, take care y'all.
Just watched MTV Bash where they totally humiliated Carson Daly. Hilarious although I really felt sorry for him. He seemed to take it pretty well though. Was horrified to see Mya give him a lapdance though. That image will probably haunt me for the rest of the night.
I don't know when I'll update next. Probably when I finish with the new template. HTML is bloody confusing shit.
Oh yes, be on the lookout for pics of tomorrow. I'm heading back to the old school to see Jo lee neh san and Sister Mary Leslie perform for the secondary one CCA orientation. Till then, take care y'all.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Wo Men Shang Huai Yi
Finally picked up the newspaper today. Pretty downcast when I realised that 2/3 of the jobs there weren't open to me because I can't speak Chinese. So when the world throws lemons at you, you make lemonade right? Was considering taking up Mandarin Classes since the little vocabulary I have basically consists of vulgarities and curse words. Then I realised that a course could amount to as much as $300.00! Nin Na Bei.
Was about to call for a job interview when I passed by a mirror and realised that I'd pretty much let myself go. Hadn't been taking care of myself. Lost my appetite as well as my zest for life. Blargh.
Just when you've reached that point in your life where you're content with the position you're at, somebody comes along and stirs things up. I get so bloody insecure when I find people who're my age and write better than me. If they were older, at least I could delude myself into thinking they've had more time to learn and are way more experienced than I am but what excuse can you give for someone who's about the same age as you?
Need to go redye my hair. Just a few weeks have lapsed and the roots are already starting to show. Not that it matters. Its not like I'm going anywhere anyway.
Finally picked up the newspaper today. Pretty downcast when I realised that 2/3 of the jobs there weren't open to me because I can't speak Chinese. So when the world throws lemons at you, you make lemonade right? Was considering taking up Mandarin Classes since the little vocabulary I have basically consists of vulgarities and curse words. Then I realised that a course could amount to as much as $300.00! Nin Na Bei.
Was about to call for a job interview when I passed by a mirror and realised that I'd pretty much let myself go. Hadn't been taking care of myself. Lost my appetite as well as my zest for life. Blargh.
Just when you've reached that point in your life where you're content with the position you're at, somebody comes along and stirs things up. I get so bloody insecure when I find people who're my age and write better than me. If they were older, at least I could delude myself into thinking they've had more time to learn and are way more experienced than I am but what excuse can you give for someone who's about the same age as you?
Need to go redye my hair. Just a few weeks have lapsed and the roots are already starting to show. Not that it matters. Its not like I'm going anywhere anyway.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
I'm out of bed and made it to the keyboard, what more do you want?
I am wasting my life away. I need to find a job.
Don't understand how housewives can stay at home all day and be content with a life that's routine.
Damnit, it's been 2 weeks and I still haven't recovered from the flu.
Need money. My father gave my brother a handphone and it's got polyphonic ringtones and MMS and everything.
Another week of this and I swear I'll go mad.
I am wasting my life away. I need to find a job.
Don't understand how housewives can stay at home all day and be content with a life that's routine.
Damnit, it's been 2 weeks and I still haven't recovered from the flu.
Need money. My father gave my brother a handphone and it's got polyphonic ringtones and MMS and everything.
Another week of this and I swear I'll go mad.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Went to sleep, woke up feeling much better. Slept at 5.00 A.M last night and all because of Syahrul. Haha. Nolah, he helped me find a patch for this stupid virus. Muchos Gracias Senor Syahrul. I owe you one. Yay! Now my computer is at my disposal.
And let me clarify something. I did not point fingers. You were the one who accused me first. And yes, yes, I am self-righteous. But you're selfish. So there. And please, stop tagging me if you haven't anything nice to say.
And let me clarify something. I did not point fingers. You were the one who accused me first. And yes, yes, I am self-righteous. But you're selfish. So there. And please, stop tagging me if you haven't anything nice to say.
I will not apologise nor will I change my entry because I do not feel like I have done any wrong. I do not see any similarities in our entries whatsoever. The theme of our entries is entirely different so how can you say I plagiarised you? And why would I do such a thing? I take pride in writing my entries my own way. Besides, you are my sister..
Do I fall so low below your expectations that I would stoop to stealing your ideas? I might not be in mass comm, I might not read Milan Kundera, I might only be a fairly good English student in a mere neighbourhood school but I am still proud of my own little achievements. And you have just taken that away. You preach freedom to write about whatever you want. And yet you stop me now?
Undoubtedly, you are the more beautiful and more intelligent one so people will naturally assume that it was me who plagiarised your work. Doesn't matter anymore if I did or didn't. You've planted the seed of doubt in them.
I know you want this SPH internship. You probably do deserve it more than anyone else. But at the sake of my integrity?
Oh yes, you've gotten what you want. Everyone now knows you are so much more superior to me. And don't worry, readers will still flock to your blog. Your credibility has never been and never will be questioned again since I'll now be known as the plagiariser in the family.
And you might be happy to know that I am seriously considering packing up this whole blogging thing altogether because I truly believe that a blog will never hold more importance than a family member.
You're right. I might not be cut out for mass comm. Because I will never be able to cut off anyone's balls in public like you just did.
And Kak? Thank you for showing the whole world how you show your love for me.
Do I fall so low below your expectations that I would stoop to stealing your ideas? I might not be in mass comm, I might not read Milan Kundera, I might only be a fairly good English student in a mere neighbourhood school but I am still proud of my own little achievements. And you have just taken that away. You preach freedom to write about whatever you want. And yet you stop me now?
Undoubtedly, you are the more beautiful and more intelligent one so people will naturally assume that it was me who plagiarised your work. Doesn't matter anymore if I did or didn't. You've planted the seed of doubt in them.
I know you want this SPH internship. You probably do deserve it more than anyone else. But at the sake of my integrity?
Oh yes, you've gotten what you want. Everyone now knows you are so much more superior to me. And don't worry, readers will still flock to your blog. Your credibility has never been and never will be questioned again since I'll now be known as the plagiariser in the family.
And you might be happy to know that I am seriously considering packing up this whole blogging thing altogether because I truly believe that a blog will never hold more importance than a family member.
You're right. I might not be cut out for mass comm. Because I will never be able to cut off anyone's balls in public like you just did.
And Kak? Thank you for showing the whole world how you show your love for me.
Saturday, January 10, 2004
The Emptiness Within
Just got back from going out to TM with Joline. Yes, yes, again. I have no shame. She wanted to get her ears pierced so I recommended you-know-who. Haha. Got there and discovered that almost everyone including him was wearing contact lenses. Shit, my new gray eyes ain't so unique any more. Found out one of the girls working there was an ex-schoolmate who remembered my mother very vividly because my mother was "sporting".
Normally I delight in taking pains to dress myself up. Yet I couldn't stop feeling empty today. As if I were but a mere shell. Can't figure out why I'm feeling so detached. Perhaps because there's nothing to live for or look forward to anymore. I daren't hope for good results, there is no special someone in my life right now. All I have going for me is my friends.
And yet I am unsatisfied. I could try to delude myself by immersing myself wholly in meaningless crushes but I won't because it's a waste of time. I really don't know what I want and I can't make decisions especially when the future seems bleak. "Oh shut up already," I hear you cry "and make up your fucking mind you sixteen-year-old twat."
Hell, I'm even more annoyed at myself. Stupid, fickle, undecisive me.
I should find a job. I'm wasting away at home and this claustrophobia is getting to be overwhelming.
But you know what? I am terrified that I won't do well. Actually, I kind of know that I won't do well. I just feel this unbearable sadness that I'll have to let my mother and my whole family down. Yes, they will still love me but I'll feel unworthy of their love and support. It's too fucking late to do anything and I can always retake the exams. But it isn't the same. I've already disappointed the people around me. The damage is done.
I doubt this is depression. More like an ache to have a path to take like before. And I hope I find it soon. The road to self-discovery seems to be a lonely one.
Just got back from going out to TM with Joline. Yes, yes, again. I have no shame. She wanted to get her ears pierced so I recommended you-know-who. Haha. Got there and discovered that almost everyone including him was wearing contact lenses. Shit, my new gray eyes ain't so unique any more. Found out one of the girls working there was an ex-schoolmate who remembered my mother very vividly because my mother was "sporting".
Normally I delight in taking pains to dress myself up. Yet I couldn't stop feeling empty today. As if I were but a mere shell. Can't figure out why I'm feeling so detached. Perhaps because there's nothing to live for or look forward to anymore. I daren't hope for good results, there is no special someone in my life right now. All I have going for me is my friends.
And yet I am unsatisfied. I could try to delude myself by immersing myself wholly in meaningless crushes but I won't because it's a waste of time. I really don't know what I want and I can't make decisions especially when the future seems bleak. "Oh shut up already," I hear you cry "and make up your fucking mind you sixteen-year-old twat."
Hell, I'm even more annoyed at myself. Stupid, fickle, undecisive me.
I should find a job. I'm wasting away at home and this claustrophobia is getting to be overwhelming.
But you know what? I am terrified that I won't do well. Actually, I kind of know that I won't do well. I just feel this unbearable sadness that I'll have to let my mother and my whole family down. Yes, they will still love me but I'll feel unworthy of their love and support. It's too fucking late to do anything and I can always retake the exams. But it isn't the same. I've already disappointed the people around me. The damage is done.
I doubt this is depression. More like an ache to have a path to take like before. And I hope I find it soon. The road to self-discovery seems to be a lonely one.
Friday, January 09, 2004
Ah swear ah ain't no cradle robber
Just came back from my brother's school. I was one of the only teenage girls there so there was a long line of boys crowding around me. The catch? They're all two years younger than me. Great. But it wasn't too bad. They were pretty good looking for 14 year olds. Oh god, what am I saying? 14 year olds??? They've barely grown their pubic hair! Gah! I gave my number to a small boy called Zul because he was so short and was being bullied by the others. When I got into the car, he called out "Bye Nadiah!" shyly and waved. Aww, isn't that sweet? Must pick Hakim up from school more often.
Must be the eyes. I just got grey contacts though they aren't so obvious. Kids seem to be scared of by it though.
So proud to see Hakim representing his class. He walked onstage and held the school flag as he recited the Montfortian Mission. His form teacher had nothing but praise for him. Kind of hard to believe that she was talking about the same surly boy who fights with me over the computer and is practically towering over me. Shit. He was also very protective when his school mates were talking to me. He'd put his arm around me and look over my shoulder. Wahaha.
Damn, Montfort Band is great! I don't think they deserved a silver. They should have gotten better. Still wondering how to coerce Hakim into joining their band. And their uniform is so smart too. *drool drool* He wants to join rugby though. Ugh. Why he'd wanna do that is beyond me.
I love Britney Spears's new album. I don't care if she can't sing. I'm addicted to 4 songs in it already. True, the lyrics don't hold much meaning but they're really good for a girl's night out when you just want to leave your brain at the door, get sloshed silly and dance the night away. "The Hook Up", "Toxic" and "(I got the) Boom Boom" are extremely catchy and addictive.
I just realised that having a blog is like talking to myself. So if people think you're crazy when you talk to yourself, how come they don't think you're crazy when you have a blog? Odd, people.
I've been playing with the Sutton doll my sister got for her birthday. Damnit, he is so handsome. So much better than the real deal. Curly hair, brown eyes, a cute butt and a six pack! He also won't talk back when we fight and allow me to win all our arguments. He'll listen lovingly as I listen to sentimental songs like "One in a Million" and "From the bottom of my broken heart" during my PMS periods. He doesn't have a dick that he'll force you to give head to (hypothetically speaking). He'll wear anything you want him to and he can't ever cheat on me for another girl! Isn't that reason enough to dump your boyfriend?
These coughs are getting worse. They're accompanied by the phlegm. Again! Cough, cough, cough, spit, eew.
Just came back from my brother's school. I was one of the only teenage girls there so there was a long line of boys crowding around me. The catch? They're all two years younger than me. Great. But it wasn't too bad. They were pretty good looking for 14 year olds. Oh god, what am I saying? 14 year olds??? They've barely grown their pubic hair! Gah! I gave my number to a small boy called Zul because he was so short and was being bullied by the others. When I got into the car, he called out "Bye Nadiah!" shyly and waved. Aww, isn't that sweet? Must pick Hakim up from school more often.
Must be the eyes. I just got grey contacts though they aren't so obvious. Kids seem to be scared of by it though.
So proud to see Hakim representing his class. He walked onstage and held the school flag as he recited the Montfortian Mission. His form teacher had nothing but praise for him. Kind of hard to believe that she was talking about the same surly boy who fights with me over the computer and is practically towering over me. Shit. He was also very protective when his school mates were talking to me. He'd put his arm around me and look over my shoulder. Wahaha.
Damn, Montfort Band is great! I don't think they deserved a silver. They should have gotten better. Still wondering how to coerce Hakim into joining their band. And their uniform is so smart too. *drool drool* He wants to join rugby though. Ugh. Why he'd wanna do that is beyond me.
I love Britney Spears's new album. I don't care if she can't sing. I'm addicted to 4 songs in it already. True, the lyrics don't hold much meaning but they're really good for a girl's night out when you just want to leave your brain at the door, get sloshed silly and dance the night away. "The Hook Up", "Toxic" and "(I got the) Boom Boom" are extremely catchy and addictive.
I just realised that having a blog is like talking to myself. So if people think you're crazy when you talk to yourself, how come they don't think you're crazy when you have a blog? Odd, people.
I've been playing with the Sutton doll my sister got for her birthday. Damnit, he is so handsome. So much better than the real deal. Curly hair, brown eyes, a cute butt and a six pack! He also won't talk back when we fight and allow me to win all our arguments. He'll listen lovingly as I listen to sentimental songs like "One in a Million" and "From the bottom of my broken heart" during my PMS periods. He doesn't have a dick that he'll force you to give head to (hypothetically speaking). He'll wear anything you want him to and he can't ever cheat on me for another girl! Isn't that reason enough to dump your boyfriend?
These coughs are getting worse. They're accompanied by the phlegm. Again! Cough, cough, cough, spit, eew.
I'm just a girl in the world
Doubt I have time for a long entry. My computer's been infected with a worm or virus or a worm virus aper entah lah. It supposedly only infects Windows XP and Windows 2000 users. I'm kinda fond of it though. Although it has caused me to lose all my downloaded songs and files and pictures, it's considerate. Everytime it strikes, it gives me a minute to save all my work before it restarts the computer for me. Then it gives me another ten to fifteen minutes to use the computer before striking again. Haha. Cute ey?
I'm into dresses. White dresses. Especially after watching Evanescence's My Immortal. Was tempted to let my hair down, don a white dress and go climb up a tree just like Amy Lee until my brother pointed out that this was Singapore and nobody would think I was an innocent, sensitive soul imprisoned in a material, lust-filled world but a pontianak instead and that since I didn't know how to climb a tree, the only way I could get up was via a crane.
Drat that boy.
He's growing up so fast. He wakes up so early in the morning and is gone before I wake up. Then again, since I wake up at noon, half the school day is practically over. I'm accompanying mommy to his school for the Parent's day they're holding. Since he's been elected class chairman, he has to go perform something. Gone are the days when I could terrify him by threatening to tell mom that he peed in his bed, when he used to wake up smelling like cheese and powdered milk, when he used to be a skinny little weasel whom I could sit on and carry in one hand. Sigh.
I know I'm supposed to find a job but I don't want to face the whole racial discrimination thing again. Yet, I'm growing fucking bored at home. MTV and the computer can only hold my interest for so long.
Although I'm very well rested, I can't seem to recuperate from the flu. I've got the kind of cough that's so bad it leaves you gagging and gasping for breath. Bleurgh.
Should get ready. I hear Montfortians are very handsome. And their band's good too. Will update later. Ta everybody~
Doubt I have time for a long entry. My computer's been infected with a worm or virus or a worm virus aper entah lah. It supposedly only infects Windows XP and Windows 2000 users. I'm kinda fond of it though. Although it has caused me to lose all my downloaded songs and files and pictures, it's considerate. Everytime it strikes, it gives me a minute to save all my work before it restarts the computer for me. Then it gives me another ten to fifteen minutes to use the computer before striking again. Haha. Cute ey?
I'm into dresses. White dresses. Especially after watching Evanescence's My Immortal. Was tempted to let my hair down, don a white dress and go climb up a tree just like Amy Lee until my brother pointed out that this was Singapore and nobody would think I was an innocent, sensitive soul imprisoned in a material, lust-filled world but a pontianak instead and that since I didn't know how to climb a tree, the only way I could get up was via a crane.
Drat that boy.
He's growing up so fast. He wakes up so early in the morning and is gone before I wake up. Then again, since I wake up at noon, half the school day is practically over. I'm accompanying mommy to his school for the Parent's day they're holding. Since he's been elected class chairman, he has to go perform something. Gone are the days when I could terrify him by threatening to tell mom that he peed in his bed, when he used to wake up smelling like cheese and powdered milk, when he used to be a skinny little weasel whom I could sit on and carry in one hand. Sigh.
I know I'm supposed to find a job but I don't want to face the whole racial discrimination thing again. Yet, I'm growing fucking bored at home. MTV and the computer can only hold my interest for so long.
Although I'm very well rested, I can't seem to recuperate from the flu. I've got the kind of cough that's so bad it leaves you gagging and gasping for breath. Bleurgh.
Should get ready. I hear Montfortians are very handsome. And their band's good too. Will update later. Ta everybody~
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Happy days are here again
Whoa. What a tiring day. Am pleased to report that the depression seems to have lifted this morning.
Accompanied Les and Chin to Far East and Bugis then Tampines Mall to buy their clothes for Chinese New Year. At the end of the day, the guys were the one holding more shopping bags then me. Haha.
And yes, I also did go there partly because of the punky abang abang man and guess what? He winked at me! *swoon faint swoon* Haha. Then again, I could also be making a fool of myself so much that he decided to just make me happy. Haha. But never mind. He has made me a happy, happy girl. I shall walk on clouds till Saturday.
Oh yes. Took a picture with Chin and Les. Please be nice and not comment. I look bloated. Like a goddamn blimp.
Shall retire to bed now. Good night everybody.
Whoa. What a tiring day. Am pleased to report that the depression seems to have lifted this morning.
Accompanied Les and Chin to Far East and Bugis then Tampines Mall to buy their clothes for Chinese New Year. At the end of the day, the guys were the one holding more shopping bags then me. Haha.
And yes, I also did go there partly because of the punky abang abang man and guess what? He winked at me! *swoon faint swoon* Haha. Then again, I could also be making a fool of myself so much that he decided to just make me happy. Haha. But never mind. He has made me a happy, happy girl. I shall walk on clouds till Saturday.
Oh yes. Took a picture with Chin and Les. Please be nice and not comment. I look bloated. Like a goddamn blimp.
Shall retire to bed now. Good night everybody.
Monday, January 05, 2004
On The Verge of Jumping
You look into my eyes, I go out of my mind
I cant see anything 'coz this love got me blind
I've got Sugababes's Too Lost in You on repeat mode.
So tell me what I'm supposed to do when I feel depressed yet relieved, chained down yet liberated? I would so love to knock my head against the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces. Anything so that I don't have to cope with this crap.
I am obsessed and for no apparent reason. Perhaps it's because I'm bored at home and have nothing to do. A few more days of this and I'll go fucking mad.
I have nothing but hate for myself right now. I'm not sure whether I am who I am because it's who I am or because it's who others want me to be. If only there was a button somewhere for me to press so I can fast forward a few days and find out why I'm in this state.
I hate to sound whiny but right now, I haven't really anyone to confide in. Put a gun to my temple and press the trigger. I'd be better off that way.
I want to cry, I want to laugh, I want to scream, I want to die.
You look into my eyes, I go out of my mind
I cant see anything 'coz this love got me blind
I've got Sugababes's Too Lost in You on repeat mode.
So tell me what I'm supposed to do when I feel depressed yet relieved, chained down yet liberated? I would so love to knock my head against the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces. Anything so that I don't have to cope with this crap.
I am obsessed and for no apparent reason. Perhaps it's because I'm bored at home and have nothing to do. A few more days of this and I'll go fucking mad.
I have nothing but hate for myself right now. I'm not sure whether I am who I am because it's who I am or because it's who others want me to be. If only there was a button somewhere for me to press so I can fast forward a few days and find out why I'm in this state.
I hate to sound whiny but right now, I haven't really anyone to confide in. Put a gun to my temple and press the trigger. I'd be better off that way.
I want to cry, I want to laugh, I want to scream, I want to die.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
A Montage of Muddled Emotions
There's always something in the way, there's always something getting through,
but its not me, its you... - Switchfoot "You"
Forgive me for I may not make sense in this entry.
I suspect a great change has come over me. I no longer make decisions with my brain but more with my gut. The practical Nadiah who can be relied on to make the right decision because it's proper seems to have quietly subsided in the background. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not.
And I have finally figured out what is making me so confused.
It's fear. The fear that I might have made a wrong decision. The fear that things might not work out. The fear that I could be making a big ass out of myself.
And it's terrifying really. I've always stuck to the beaten path because it was safe. Because it was fool-proof. The old Nadiah would have quietly given in and submitted to the one she loved because it was her duty. But girls these days are given so much freedom and I have never really utilised that. Silly me.
I guess I'm on the path to self-discovery. To finding the true me. Suddenly, the old Nadiah whose ambition was to have a family and just be happy seems so...mediocre. Oh yes, I still want to have a family eventually, I wouldn't abolish that completely. And there's nothing wrong with wanting a family and wanting to experience happiness. But now, I just seem to want more. And this greed is startling because I almost always place others before myself.
I hate to admit it but he was right when he said, "I don't know who you are anymore."
I figure I'm starting to wisen up and not let people take advantage of me. It's not entirely a good thing because the bitch in me has surfaced. I kind of like her though. She might be harsh but she's just looking out for me because she knows exactly what ticks me off and hurts me the most.
I do apologise if I have hurt any of you with my remarks. I haven't exactly mastered the art of controlling the new me.
JULIANA THEORY LYRICS
"Everything"
How are you feeling?
What are your reasons?
Do you feel love or a lack there of?
Love is a bond without reason
A cry for connection
A light in your eyes
Love is a reason for living, a reason for trying, a reason for life
Forget the feeling
Get all your of reasons
Life is love or the lack there of
Love is a bond without reason
A cry for connection
A light in your eyes
Love is a reason for living, a reason for trying, a reason to cry
Love is a bond without reason
A cry for connection
A light in your eye
Love is a reason for living, a reason for dieing,
Love is everything
Love is everything
Love is everything
How are you feeling?
Love is everything
What are your reasons?
Love is everything
How are you feeling?
Love is everything
Love is everything
Love is everything
Love is everything
Ohh love, you move me
Ohh love, you move me
Love, move in me, move me
Love means everything
There's always something in the way, there's always something getting through,
but its not me, its you... - Switchfoot "You"
Forgive me for I may not make sense in this entry.
I suspect a great change has come over me. I no longer make decisions with my brain but more with my gut. The practical Nadiah who can be relied on to make the right decision because it's proper seems to have quietly subsided in the background. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not.
And I have finally figured out what is making me so confused.
It's fear. The fear that I might have made a wrong decision. The fear that things might not work out. The fear that I could be making a big ass out of myself.
And it's terrifying really. I've always stuck to the beaten path because it was safe. Because it was fool-proof. The old Nadiah would have quietly given in and submitted to the one she loved because it was her duty. But girls these days are given so much freedom and I have never really utilised that. Silly me.
I guess I'm on the path to self-discovery. To finding the true me. Suddenly, the old Nadiah whose ambition was to have a family and just be happy seems so...mediocre. Oh yes, I still want to have a family eventually, I wouldn't abolish that completely. And there's nothing wrong with wanting a family and wanting to experience happiness. But now, I just seem to want more. And this greed is startling because I almost always place others before myself.
I hate to admit it but he was right when he said, "I don't know who you are anymore."
I figure I'm starting to wisen up and not let people take advantage of me. It's not entirely a good thing because the bitch in me has surfaced. I kind of like her though. She might be harsh but she's just looking out for me because she knows exactly what ticks me off and hurts me the most.
I do apologise if I have hurt any of you with my remarks. I haven't exactly mastered the art of controlling the new me.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
"Everything"
How are you feeling?
What are your reasons?
Do you feel love or a lack there of?
Love is a bond without reason
A cry for connection
A light in your eyes
Love is a reason for living, a reason for trying, a reason for life
Forget the feeling
Get all your of reasons
Life is love or the lack there of
Love is a bond without reason
A cry for connection
A light in your eyes
Love is a reason for living, a reason for trying, a reason to cry
Love is a bond without reason
A cry for connection
A light in your eye
Love is a reason for living, a reason for dieing,
Love is everything
Love is everything
Love is everything
How are you feeling?
Love is everything
What are your reasons?
Love is everything
How are you feeling?
Love is everything
Love is everything
Love is everything
Love is everything
Ohh love, you move me
Ohh love, you move me
Love, move in me, move me
Love means everything
Only Time Will Tell
Things between us have been off and on for the past year. But we agreed to never go "steady" because that meant commitment - something I was terrified of.
Lately, its gotten really bad. We never smsed, always fought, blew things out of proportion. Perhaps its because of work, perhaps I've changed or perhaps he has.
I've been pretty confused the past few days so I went to my sister for help. And she told me that taking a breather would determine a relationship.
And we did just that.
I've been wanting it for a few days now and now that I do have it, I'm not so sure. But is it regret because I let this relationship go or regret because I wasted my time, my emotions and my efforts on it?
I may be selfish for not wanting to put myself in your shoes but I have been doing that over and over again and everytime I still end up being hurt and disappointed. So how can you blame me for being selfish when I'm only trying to protect myself?
Yes, I do admit, I still have feelings for you. You took care of my needs - both emotionally and physically. But you just gave me one of the greatest insults I have ever had. And that is probably something I can never get over. It might be the way you normally speak but being someone who was once intimate with you, I demand respect and that bloody well proves you don't have any for me does it?
I don't know whether I want us to work out or not. Right now, all I know is that I am very tired of being disappointed. Perhaps I will come back, perhaps I won't. Only time will tell.
Things between us have been off and on for the past year. But we agreed to never go "steady" because that meant commitment - something I was terrified of.
Lately, its gotten really bad. We never smsed, always fought, blew things out of proportion. Perhaps its because of work, perhaps I've changed or perhaps he has.
I've been pretty confused the past few days so I went to my sister for help. And she told me that taking a breather would determine a relationship.
And we did just that.
I've been wanting it for a few days now and now that I do have it, I'm not so sure. But is it regret because I let this relationship go or regret because I wasted my time, my emotions and my efforts on it?
I may be selfish for not wanting to put myself in your shoes but I have been doing that over and over again and everytime I still end up being hurt and disappointed. So how can you blame me for being selfish when I'm only trying to protect myself?
Yes, I do admit, I still have feelings for you. You took care of my needs - both emotionally and physically. But you just gave me one of the greatest insults I have ever had. And that is probably something I can never get over. It might be the way you normally speak but being someone who was once intimate with you, I demand respect and that bloody well proves you don't have any for me does it?
I don't know whether I want us to work out or not. Right now, all I know is that I am very tired of being disappointed. Perhaps I will come back, perhaps I won't. Only time will tell.
Friday, January 02, 2004
Morning Rambles
I hate this stupid flu. I have a nose which is constantly blocked, green phlegm which is the most disgusting there is, diarrhea and now, I am an insomniac. I pride myself on being the hardest to wake up and now, here I am, typing away in the wee hours of the morning because I have given up on sleep.
And of all days. I promised to help Leslie out at the cafe although I really don't see what use they have for a girl who lost her voice. Shit.
My ear is throbbing. I pierced two studs on the upper part of my left ear. And they're right next to each other. I have to sleep on my right or cup my ear as I sleep which is a doomed plan because my hands will move away, and the weight of my head will land on my ear and I'll wake up because of the pain.
Bloody sucky day and it's barely started. I'll be working until 10.30 p.m.
Oh well, at least I woke up in time to see my brother off to school. Today's his first day at Montfort Secondary. He looked so handsome in the school uniform. *sigh* My little baby's all grown up.
I think I better get some sleep. I'm starting to sound like a bimbo. Or even worse, a minah. *shudders*
I hate this stupid flu. I have a nose which is constantly blocked, green phlegm which is the most disgusting there is, diarrhea and now, I am an insomniac. I pride myself on being the hardest to wake up and now, here I am, typing away in the wee hours of the morning because I have given up on sleep.
And of all days. I promised to help Leslie out at the cafe although I really don't see what use they have for a girl who lost her voice. Shit.
My ear is throbbing. I pierced two studs on the upper part of my left ear. And they're right next to each other. I have to sleep on my right or cup my ear as I sleep which is a doomed plan because my hands will move away, and the weight of my head will land on my ear and I'll wake up because of the pain.
Bloody sucky day and it's barely started. I'll be working until 10.30 p.m.
Oh well, at least I woke up in time to see my brother off to school. Today's his first day at Montfort Secondary. He looked so handsome in the school uniform. *sigh* My little baby's all grown up.
I think I better get some sleep. I'm starting to sound like a bimbo. Or even worse, a minah. *shudders*
Thursday, January 01, 2004
What Was I Thinking?
I kind of like this laryngitis thing. Everytime I talk, it sounds like a special effect from a horror flick. My sis agreed to let me use the computer on the condition that I not talk to her because she's getting spooked from me talking. And because I try not to talk, I seem to send out an aura of depression around me. Cool.
Just went to Tampines Mall (yes, again. I'm shameless.) with my mom and brother. Met an old friend at Macs. Haha. A little surprised to find out I actually missed her. Brought back memories when we used to be close. But I guess sometimes things don't work out the way you want 'em to.
Anyway, as most of you are probably dying to find out how I further made a fool of myself in front of cute, punky abang-abang man, I shall elaborate further. I went in with my mom and they were almost closed but my mom asked them whether they could pierce my ears for me and they grudgingly said yes. So I went in but couldnt find C.P.A.A.M anywhere (heart pain!). The girl marked my ears for me and went away. Heartbroken, I picked up the ear piercing gun thingy and studied it and then... I heard... his voice!
"Hello," said he. "Ehlo" I croaked back (I lost my voice remember?). "What happened to your voice?" he asks, sounding concerned. Aah! *swoon swoon swoon faint* "I lost it." whispered I. And then my mom decided to intervene but that was probably because she was probably about to throw up from watching her youngest daughter lose control of her self-dignity like that.
So he went about piercing my ear. And he even applied alcohol on it! And when the alcohol started dribbling down my ear, he even wiped it away with his finger (oh, I shall never wash my ear again!). But you see, Nadiah the klutz usually has alot of bad things happen to her. She is like the Malay version of Bridget Jones. We both have the same dismal love life. And the big Granny undies.
You see, when the girl was marking my ear, I was pretty heartbroken that punky mat man wasn't there so I decided to ask her where Punky Mat Man's colleague was. (FYI, I do not like his colleague at all. In fact, I find him very annoying.) I didn't want to ask outright where he was 'cos... aiyah, shy lah. And she was like "Who? You mean A***?" So when C.P.A.A.M was piercing my ear, I wanted to strike up conversation and casually asked him "So, where's A***?" He was pretty taken aback. He was like "Huh? How do you know A***?" And it was only then that I realised that I made it sound like I liked A*** when the truth could not have been further from it. *whacks head against wall repeatedly* Even my mom told me I was stupid for doing that. Ack!
Anyway, I think I somehow let him know that I'm sort of, err, "into" him. My mom asked me to pierce my nose as well but as you all very well know, I am a huge chicken. So I tried to back out by saying "Oh. No, I don't have a nice nose. " And then he joined in and said "I think your nose is fine. You should be able to carry it off pretty well". Or so I think. My heart was blasting trumpets then. And he said "I'll see you soon" when I left the store. Wait, did he say that because I'm a shameless hussy who's been there so many times or because he wants to see me soon? *squeals like a stuck pig*
Anyway, I don't think I'll pursue this any further because I found out my mom actually approves of him. And who wants to date a guy your mom actually approves of? *shudders* And I think his appeal lies in the fact that he reminds me of Charlie Hawse from Lamb Chop and friends - you know the puppet show where they make puppets out of socks? Haha. I think its more of me being so bored at home that I looked for romance in the most unlikeliest places. And he's pretty macho in that abang-abang kind of way. Like I said, we Cancerian girls wanna be taken care of.
And so, that marks the end of my err...brief infatuation. I think I'd like to remain a swinging single. Life is so much better this way.
Oh yes Joline, you better change your MSN nick. You are a hot, big neh neh-ed babe. Any man can see that. And if they can't, at least you've got me. Which is better than any man, trust me.
I kind of like this laryngitis thing. Everytime I talk, it sounds like a special effect from a horror flick. My sis agreed to let me use the computer on the condition that I not talk to her because she's getting spooked from me talking. And because I try not to talk, I seem to send out an aura of depression around me. Cool.
Just went to Tampines Mall (yes, again. I'm shameless.) with my mom and brother. Met an old friend at Macs. Haha. A little surprised to find out I actually missed her. Brought back memories when we used to be close. But I guess sometimes things don't work out the way you want 'em to.
Anyway, as most of you are probably dying to find out how I further made a fool of myself in front of cute, punky abang-abang man, I shall elaborate further. I went in with my mom and they were almost closed but my mom asked them whether they could pierce my ears for me and they grudgingly said yes. So I went in but couldnt find C.P.A.A.M anywhere (heart pain!). The girl marked my ears for me and went away. Heartbroken, I picked up the ear piercing gun thingy and studied it and then... I heard... his voice!
"Hello," said he. "Ehlo" I croaked back (I lost my voice remember?). "What happened to your voice?" he asks, sounding concerned. Aah! *swoon swoon swoon faint* "I lost it." whispered I. And then my mom decided to intervene but that was probably because she was probably about to throw up from watching her youngest daughter lose control of her self-dignity like that.
So he went about piercing my ear. And he even applied alcohol on it! And when the alcohol started dribbling down my ear, he even wiped it away with his finger (oh, I shall never wash my ear again!). But you see, Nadiah the klutz usually has alot of bad things happen to her. She is like the Malay version of Bridget Jones. We both have the same dismal love life. And the big Granny undies.
You see, when the girl was marking my ear, I was pretty heartbroken that punky mat man wasn't there so I decided to ask her where Punky Mat Man's colleague was. (FYI, I do not like his colleague at all. In fact, I find him very annoying.) I didn't want to ask outright where he was 'cos... aiyah, shy lah. And she was like "Who? You mean A***?" So when C.P.A.A.M was piercing my ear, I wanted to strike up conversation and casually asked him "So, where's A***?" He was pretty taken aback. He was like "Huh? How do you know A***?" And it was only then that I realised that I made it sound like I liked A*** when the truth could not have been further from it. *whacks head against wall repeatedly* Even my mom told me I was stupid for doing that. Ack!
Anyway, I think I somehow let him know that I'm sort of, err, "into" him. My mom asked me to pierce my nose as well but as you all very well know, I am a huge chicken. So I tried to back out by saying "Oh. No, I don't have a nice nose. " And then he joined in and said "I think your nose is fine. You should be able to carry it off pretty well". Or so I think. My heart was blasting trumpets then. And he said "I'll see you soon" when I left the store. Wait, did he say that because I'm a shameless hussy who's been there so many times or because he wants to see me soon? *squeals like a stuck pig*
Anyway, I don't think I'll pursue this any further because I found out my mom actually approves of him. And who wants to date a guy your mom actually approves of? *shudders* And I think his appeal lies in the fact that he reminds me of Charlie Hawse from Lamb Chop and friends - you know the puppet show where they make puppets out of socks? Haha. I think its more of me being so bored at home that I looked for romance in the most unlikeliest places. And he's pretty macho in that abang-abang kind of way. Like I said, we Cancerian girls wanna be taken care of.
And so, that marks the end of my err...brief infatuation. I think I'd like to remain a swinging single. Life is so much better this way.
Oh yes Joline, you better change your MSN nick. You are a hot, big neh neh-ed babe. Any man can see that. And if they can't, at least you've got me. Which is better than any man, trust me.
Happee Neu Yeah Bebeh!
So many things to write, my mind's awhirl with ideas and stuff to blog about but somehow, by the time I get to the computer, they vanish.
Watched Scary Movie 3 yesterday with my mum and Joline. Barely made it into the theater. All the seats were booked and as a last resort, we took the seats in the first row. Strained our necks when we were watching it. Some parts were funny although I must admit that it was a bit of an anti-climax for me. Perhaps I went in expecting too much. Or maybe I've just outgrown that corny kind of humour.
Went to Marina Square to celebrate the countdown with Leslie. Watched the fireworks from the Padang. Pretty awesome stuff. Made me all wistful though. It would've been better if it had been shared with a guy. Haha. But lately, I seem to be anti-men. I've been especially hostile to them although they don't really do much. Don't understand what's wrong with me but I have very little tolerance for needy men. I guess it has something to do with being a Cancerian. I think we prefer being taken care of by men instead of having to take care of them.
But I don't need men. I've got Joline. And Leslie. And that's all I really need right now. They're always there when I need them emotionally and I'm really thankful for that.
Anyway, here's to a very special friend whom I met exactly a year ago to this very day. Johan, I'm sorry I couldn't meet you yesterday or today but then again we're both sick. And asthmatics at that. Wouldn't want to aggravate the asthma especially since we're extra susceptible now that we've got the flu. God, what a mouthful. Haha. Happy Nineteenth Birthday Baby!
Shouldn't have consumed all that popcorn and coke yesterday. Now I've lost my voice. I sound like an old man. Heh. No, wait. I sound like my brother. And he's about to break his voice. The good thing is, I sound like a handsome guy on the phone. If any of you want phone sex, just give me a ring. Haha!
To be truthful, I feel lost now that it's 2004. The future seems so fuzzy. Even though last year was one of the most stressful years I've had, at least I had direction. A path to follow. I was supposed to study, graduate from both school and band and complete one of the most important stages of my life. And now that it is over, what now? Yes, I know. I'm supposed to wait for my results. But what if my results don't turn out the way I want them to? I know I haven't much right expecting them to turn out good but still, there is this tiny part of me that dares to hope, that refuses to be extinguished.
Sorry if I sound whiny. I'm trying to face up to my fears. I don't like to think about my results much even though I know I'll have to sooner or later.
Many have complained that 2003 has been a bad year for them. But I so disagree. 2003 has shown me qualities of myself (not necessarily the good ones) that I never thought I possessed. However, I'm glad for all that's happened. I've learnt alot about myself and about others too.
Anyway, here's to 2004. Hopefully, it'll be an even better year than the last.
So many things to write, my mind's awhirl with ideas and stuff to blog about but somehow, by the time I get to the computer, they vanish.
Watched Scary Movie 3 yesterday with my mum and Joline. Barely made it into the theater. All the seats were booked and as a last resort, we took the seats in the first row. Strained our necks when we were watching it. Some parts were funny although I must admit that it was a bit of an anti-climax for me. Perhaps I went in expecting too much. Or maybe I've just outgrown that corny kind of humour.
Went to Marina Square to celebrate the countdown with Leslie. Watched the fireworks from the Padang. Pretty awesome stuff. Made me all wistful though. It would've been better if it had been shared with a guy. Haha. But lately, I seem to be anti-men. I've been especially hostile to them although they don't really do much. Don't understand what's wrong with me but I have very little tolerance for needy men. I guess it has something to do with being a Cancerian. I think we prefer being taken care of by men instead of having to take care of them.
But I don't need men. I've got Joline. And Leslie. And that's all I really need right now. They're always there when I need them emotionally and I'm really thankful for that.
Anyway, here's to a very special friend whom I met exactly a year ago to this very day. Johan, I'm sorry I couldn't meet you yesterday or today but then again we're both sick. And asthmatics at that. Wouldn't want to aggravate the asthma especially since we're extra susceptible now that we've got the flu. God, what a mouthful. Haha. Happy Nineteenth Birthday Baby!
Shouldn't have consumed all that popcorn and coke yesterday. Now I've lost my voice. I sound like an old man. Heh. No, wait. I sound like my brother. And he's about to break his voice. The good thing is, I sound like a handsome guy on the phone. If any of you want phone sex, just give me a ring. Haha!
To be truthful, I feel lost now that it's 2004. The future seems so fuzzy. Even though last year was one of the most stressful years I've had, at least I had direction. A path to follow. I was supposed to study, graduate from both school and band and complete one of the most important stages of my life. And now that it is over, what now? Yes, I know. I'm supposed to wait for my results. But what if my results don't turn out the way I want them to? I know I haven't much right expecting them to turn out good but still, there is this tiny part of me that dares to hope, that refuses to be extinguished.
Sorry if I sound whiny. I'm trying to face up to my fears. I don't like to think about my results much even though I know I'll have to sooner or later.
Many have complained that 2003 has been a bad year for them. But I so disagree. 2003 has shown me qualities of myself (not necessarily the good ones) that I never thought I possessed. However, I'm glad for all that's happened. I've learnt alot about myself and about others too.
Anyway, here's to 2004. Hopefully, it'll be an even better year than the last.